i've been meaning to write this, just to talk it out.
im sorry im not being acitve, besides my tablet being broken i've been dealing with some stuff and with the help of a very special person im getting better
im sorry im not posting, but the time i was on DA, i always felt like i was behind a mask, acting the way i dont act so people would like me because i was too scared to act as myself
following patterns, thinking about my style of drawing and asking myself if that is what i want to do
i awlays felt like i had to do really complete drawings, and not just simple stuff that i like to do
i was really scared of make my own desicions so i always asked a lot of people of how THEY would feel about it and not me, something that was destroying me and i didnt realize
i was hiding my pain, my sadness, my anxiety, thinking that i deserved to suffer, that i wasnt good enough, that im not a good person
its kinda hard to explain, but this year a lot of stuff changed for me and only now i am accepting that i can make my own decisions and losing this fear
this may sound dumb and you may think its dumb, but i didnt felt like it was dumb
i felt like i had to make everyone happy, but i wasnt looking at myself
im changing to someone better, not the person i was in 2017 and in 2016
i want to start on a new path, a path that i dont have to hide my feelings, that i can make this pain go away, a path that i can really be happy
i could never have done this without the help of the very special person shown in my drawings, that is, my boyfriend, and im very happy i found him
for all of you that are having the same experience, please dont give up
asking for help doesnt mean you are weak.
you are a strong, confident person, you can do everything if you work hard for it.
dont forget to take care of yourself.
you
matter.
and please, if you need any help with this kind of stuff
you can message me and i will be very happy to help
i really hope you get better, i believe in you !!